I TOLD you they were dangerous...

Just a quick update on likely the most harrowing experience I'll have on this deployment. Today started out well, and after waking I enjoyed the Dec 2nd service at Faith Lutheran Church in Arlington VA, sent to me on CD by Pastor John Bradford. I then went to the South Chapel and joined Chaplain Gustefson's 11:00 AM service. This was followed by the usual DFAC lunch and obligatory aimless wander through the PX (Post Exchange... forward operating base version of Wal-Mart). Bought some flavored water, it was a big day. As we neared the hooch, we spotted a rather large white rabbit smoking a Marlboro Red next to one of the fortified concrete bunkers. He looked different than the usual CBS (acroynm for Camp Bondsteel) bunnies we have discussed. Our risk assessment was low, so we approached with caution. After a brief friendly exchange (he spoke English, but with a sort of "Fargo" Northern Plains accent... possibly Canadian). Our guard was down so we decided to take a picture for our album. As I was posing with him, he whispered "I'm a highly trained Al Qaida operative, I know were you live, and I want the homemade cookies your wife Katie sent and a pound of uncooked carrots or else..." Instictively, my limited Army combat training took over.

I drew my sidearm and growled "Listen here you vermin terrorist white-devil, I know exactly who you are and I'm onto your friends, too. You can have my ID, you can even have my weapon, but Katie's cookies are where I draw a line in the snow!" In a lightning fast display of trickery and rabbit-craft that would have made Harry Potter proud, he disarmed me and brought me to my knees. By this point my so-called comrades had retreated to the nearby bunker trembling in fear. I contemplated the headline next week "Promising Army Radiologist Killed with his Own Weapon by Al Qaida Rabbit." I wondered if I'd be remembered as a prophet, as I often warned the command staff of the potential dangers of these creatures and predicted my demise at the paws of these cotton-tailed assailants. As I was preparing for the worst, out of nowhere one or our special operatives took him out with a single shoulder-fired missile.

SSG Jake McGrew (call sign "Squeakers")

I cannot show you the aftermath, as the images are classified. Suffice it to say I'm alive with only minor first degree burns and moderate right sided hearing loss. I also caught some shrapnel in my left calf (one of his evil buck-tooth incisors lodged under my skin) which was easily removed by our surgeon. I'm on prophylactic meds for rabies, tularemia and distemper though.

I am thankful to be alive, and pray for a better start to 2008. Be safe, friends and countrymen. It's a dangerous world out there. Happy New Year! Muller out.

Merry Christmas from Kosovo!

Merry Christmas! It's roughly 6:00 PM here in Kosovo which means it's high noon on the eastern seaboard. I hope everyone had a happy and peaceful Christmas eve and a wonderful Christmas morning. Last night, CPT Gustafson (the chaplain for one of our infantry units, Task Force Bayonet) performed a beautiful 23:00 Christmas Eve candlelight service which we enjoyed immensely. He followed this up by delivering an equally stirring yet joyful 11:00 AM Christmas day sermon. This was of course, followed by one of the most debaucherous and decadent meals the Army has ever served. The DFAC (dining facility) was decorated like a Broadway play. While in the serving line, I asked for dark meat and was handed what appeared to be a large leg bone brimming with meat. The taste was slightly peculiar but quite good. Though I'll never be entirely sure, I have a suspicion I had a hearty serving of jackalope. I feel fine right now, but do have this uncontrollable hankering for raw carrots... Here are some scenes from the last 48 hours:

"Santa" gas attendents at a local filling station

COL Hicklin (DCCS - Deputy Commander fo Clinical Services) with Santa

Entry into the DFAC

Dessert Bar

DFAC Nativity scene

DFAC Santa scene

MAJ Miranda (flight surgeon) on the left with friends

Medical Supply, Medical Maintainence and Veterinarian Services

SGT Brown (x ray tech) with folks from Sick Call and Optometry

Command staff (far) and Docs (near)

Table Decorations

My Christmas Dinner. I'm really full...

My mystery leg bone (almost done)

I hope you and your families enjoy a peaceful, safe and Merry Christmas Day!

Until next year, Muller out.

I would NOT be surprised if I see a penguin...

Bbbbrrrrrrr......

Sorry, okay I have restored blood flow to my fingers and now I can type. I hope everyone back in the States is safe and has already traveled to their destination with friends or family. I sincerely hope that neither you or your loved ones got caught in the Midwest (Chicago) travel debacle I have been reading about. One good thing about being deployed overseas … no Holiday travel nightmares! Honestly though, I'd take two nights on the floor of Terminal 1 Concourse C at O'Hare if I got to spend Christmas with Katie...

I would like to request that Al Gore and his Nobel prize winning team of environmental scientists spend some time with us at Camp Bondsteel. I sincerely believe they will begin to doubt the notion of global warming. Please.... spare me the lectures about how global warming actually creates upper atmospheric instability with harsher weather conditions at both ends of the spectrum. I understand and accept most of the data/analysis. I'm just really freakin' cold right now and trying to make a joke, people!

Yesterday I stepped outside to use the bathroom (yes, I have to walk outside to get to the communal latrine) and was greeted by a row of icicles from hell. These things could easily be mounted on the business end of an M16 for a very effective (albeit short-lived) bayonet. I was careful not to close the door of my room too hard, so as to not dislodge these icy spears and impale some unsuspecting soldier wandering by.

I quintuple-layered and attempted a mad dash to the hospital. Again, I am struck by the intense feeling that I'm actually not a neuroradiologist from DC... but rather a psychotic scientific zealot who has lost control of my cognitive functions and moved above the Arctic Circle to carefully measure, chart and publish how fast the cracks in the polar icecap are widening. I really will not be surprised if I see a penguin wander past the TOC (Army acronym for the day, Tactical Operations Center). I just hope I'm not the one they choose to sit on their egg for three months. For those "Animal Planet" junkies in the crowd, I realize that penguins are indigenous to Antarctica and not the North Pole... But it's my story and you'll have to deal with it!

As we walked home from the dining facility that night (quickly I might add) we happened upon another distressing sight. There were some pathetic flowers from earlier this season still in their planters hanging from a balcony. Ice was growing off these things like a beard. Finally, as I walked down my balcony I was horrified to realize that the curiously large icicles from that morning had fathered millions of tiny icicle-lets of their own. In the name of all that is good and holy… the icicles have icicles! Where will the madness end? Hopefully not with a cataclysmic battle between good and evil.

I do have a warmer story though, particularly for you "animal planet" addicts. We have three working dogs here at Camp Bondsteel, all German shepherds. Two are trained for general patrol and narcotics (Allen and Zorby) and the third is specialty trained for explosives detection. I do not know his name yet, as I'll meet him on Thursday. I was interested to learn that they are issued socal security numbers, acrue rank and retire not unlike those of us that walk upright in uniform. Each year, they have to undergo a complete physical including radiographs.

SSG Shaw and SGT Brown (x-ray techs) with Allen

CPT Neal (veterinarian) positioning Allen with his handler

Allen taking a break

Despite being highly trained, these furry commandos will not hold still for x-rays and are briefly sedated for the procedure. We were happy to accommodate our veterinary colleagues and four legged comrades in the department of radiology.

Zorby having a "Propofol nap" and an elbow film

Posing with Allen before he wakes up from his "nap"

I was even asked to interpret and render a formal report on the plain films of the lumbar spine, hips and elbow joints. We were all sad to learn that Zorby had early osteoarthritis of the left hip which will likely result in an honorable discharge in the near future.

As I was completing Allen's films, I noticed something I do not ordinarily see on human studies. Initially I was amazed, but slowly began to feel this overwhelming sense of inadequacy.

You're the man Allan… there's no doubt about that.

Well, I guess I'll end there. Tomorrow (Christmas eve) I head out for more outpatient MR studies and will actually be performing an MR arthrogram on one of the MPs. That entails placing a needle under flouroscopy into the left shoulder joint and instilling a mixture of saline and contrast, followed by high resolution MR imaging. At night, we'll having a showing of "Love Actually" at the Hospital, the British Christmas time romantic comedy. Several of us plan to then attend the 23:00 candlelight service at the base chapel.

I wish each of you and your families a safe, peaceful and Merry Christmas.

Muller out.

Getting "Outside the Wire" in Kosovo

One of the distinct differences between my last deployment and now is the frequency I've gotten off base, as well as the variety of things I've been able to do. This is due in part, to both increased stability of the region and fledgling economic growth. I have also gotten more creative in my old age :) Deployed soldiers refer to leaving the patrolled base as "getting outside the wire". You thought you were done with army vernacular, huh? NOT!

Roughly once a week, I take several soldiers to one of two local private MR clinics for studies. There is one in Pristina, the capital of Kosovo as well as another just over the border in Skopje, Macedonia. For the first several weeks, I was also doing flouroscopic guided epidural steroid injections for back pain. Durng one injection, a gave a little too much epidural anesthetic agent to one of our ER physician assistants and basically put his pelvis and legs to sleep for several hours.... poor guy. He's doing fine now, and his sciatica is much better! The staff was very accommodating at the clinics and the equipment was excellent. On the first day I walked into Euromed Klinika (the private center in Pristina) Dr. Gazmend Hasbahta was standing there. We both looked at each other in shock, not expecting to see each other. I had met Gazmend in 2004 at the University Hospital in Pristina when he was still on faculty there. Even the Kosavars go into private practice! It was great to catch up with him, and work together as colleagues over this time period.

Euromed Klinika in Pristina, Kosovo

Dr. Gazmend Hasbahta

LTC Jeff Sabino just after his injection Lunch at Cafe Resa in Pristina after leaving Euromed -

LTC Sabino could not feel his butt or legs when this picture was taken

A few words about driving in Kosovo.... sweet Jesus, it's scary. Let me see if I can paint a picture. First, the roads are quite narrow and have no shoulders. Second, there are posted speed limits and the roads are ostensibly patrolled, but in reality it's quite Darwinian and survival of the fittest dominates. The drivers pass on the right and the left (despite no shoulders) and seem to have little or no regard for their life. You have to be aggressive, or they'll eat you alive. A motorized Kosovar respects only the accelerator, not the brake pads. This brand of insanity is eclipsed only by the pedestrians who appear to have even less concern for life and limb, stepping out into traffic whenever the mood hits them. It's like a real-life game of Frogger. On top of that, you must beware of the donkey drawn carriages and so called "Kosovo Harleys" which are actually 10-12 Hp rototillers hitched to homemade wagons. The "driver" sits in the wagon and holds onto the long metal handles of the rototiller, adjusting the throttle from his/her perch. It's quite a sight and I'll do my best to get a picture for you. Problem is, I've been doing most of the driving myself as the enlisted folk are not comfortable with standard transmissions. Tough to drive in these conditions and snap pictures...

Drive Happy... Kosovo Highway, coming up on a donkey-cart

Passing a happy Albanian local on his donkey-cart

Kosavar Driving School... cracks me up every time

The Ben-af - Kosovo's equivalent of Target

At the request of our Commander, I was asked to give a lecture at the German camp in Prizren. It's about 90 minutes away through a windy mountain pass in southwest Kosovo. We absolutely loved the visit, and they seemed to enjoy my lecture on Imaging of Intracranial and Cervical Spine Trauma. I guess stereotypes are everywhere though... the Germans commented that they presumed I was Italian by how much I used my hands to talk during the lecture. Those crazy Germans... They provided a great meal for us though, and we got back safely in the snow.

Driving to the German camp in Prizren

German tanks affectionately named Nicole and Denise

Outside the German Field Hospital

Just before my lecture at Prizren

At dinner with our German counterparts

The following weekend, about 30 of us boarded a bus for Camp Casablanca. That's the headquarters for the Swiss and Austrian contingent in Kosovo. They were having a Christmas event in the evening and we went to partake in the festivities. It's very convenient for Americans, as most educated Europeans speak English. The Swiss and Austrians were great, and showed us quite a good time. We actually roasted chestnuts over an open fire. I bought an authentic Swiss army knife and was glad to get out for the evening.

Camp Casablanca

Upstairs in the coffee bar at the Swiss Chalet

Outside at the Christmas Fair

Site of the "roasting chestnuts"

German contribution: Electrifyed Christmas KFOR truck The cab of the Christmas KFOR truck

The magnet in Pristina was being serviced for a period of time, so I recently drove several soldiers to Skopje for their studies. We went to a private clinic known as Neuromedica and were given the red carpet treatment. The neuroradiologist Dr. Netkov Senco was great, and we enjoyed trading stories and comparing cases. Who knows, maybe we'll run into each other at the RSNA someday. We stopped at the American embassy on the way back (McDonald's) for a little "taste of home".

Neuromedica - Skopje, Macedonia

The MR/CT tech at Neuromedica

Dr. Netcov Senco 1SG Breight enjoying a Big Tasty

I almost forgot, my former roomate Chris Layne (the bastard got to go home... I hate him) was able to snap a picture of the elusive Camp Bondsteel sasquatch rabbit one night. I had to adjust the image somewhat due to the dark but you can clearly see his devious, beady and subversive eyes. I'm still trying to catch him during the day, but I'm sort of nervous.

The Beast stalks his prey

For those of you who have just enjoyed Hanukkah, I say shalom! For all you Gentiles, I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and peaceful, prosperous New Year.

Muller out.