I TOLD you they were dangerous...

Just a quick update on likely the most harrowing experience I'll have on this deployment. Today started out well, and after waking I enjoyed the Dec 2nd service at Faith Lutheran Church in Arlington VA, sent to me on CD by Pastor John Bradford. I then went to the South Chapel and joined Chaplain Gustefson's 11:00 AM service. This was followed by the usual DFAC lunch and obligatory aimless wander through the PX (Post Exchange... forward operating base version of Wal-Mart). Bought some flavored water, it was a big day. As we neared the hooch, we spotted a rather large white rabbit smoking a Marlboro Red next to one of the fortified concrete bunkers. He looked different than the usual CBS (acroynm for Camp Bondsteel) bunnies we have discussed. Our risk assessment was low, so we approached with caution. After a brief friendly exchange (he spoke English, but with a sort of "Fargo" Northern Plains accent... possibly Canadian). Our guard was down so we decided to take a picture for our album. As I was posing with him, he whispered "I'm a highly trained Al Qaida operative, I know were you live, and I want the homemade cookies your wife Katie sent and a pound of uncooked carrots or else..." Instictively, my limited Army combat training took over.

I drew my sidearm and growled "Listen here you vermin terrorist white-devil, I know exactly who you are and I'm onto your friends, too. You can have my ID, you can even have my weapon, but Katie's cookies are where I draw a line in the snow!" In a lightning fast display of trickery and rabbit-craft that would have made Harry Potter proud, he disarmed me and brought me to my knees. By this point my so-called comrades had retreated to the nearby bunker trembling in fear. I contemplated the headline next week "Promising Army Radiologist Killed with his Own Weapon by Al Qaida Rabbit." I wondered if I'd be remembered as a prophet, as I often warned the command staff of the potential dangers of these creatures and predicted my demise at the paws of these cotton-tailed assailants. As I was preparing for the worst, out of nowhere one or our special operatives took him out with a single shoulder-fired missile.

SSG Jake McGrew (call sign "Squeakers")

I cannot show you the aftermath, as the images are classified. Suffice it to say I'm alive with only minor first degree burns and moderate right sided hearing loss. I also caught some shrapnel in my left calf (one of his evil buck-tooth incisors lodged under my skin) which was easily removed by our surgeon. I'm on prophylactic meds for rabies, tularemia and distemper though.

I am thankful to be alive, and pray for a better start to 2008. Be safe, friends and countrymen. It's a dangerous world out there. Happy New Year! Muller out.