Balkan Turkey... and jackalope?

I hope everyone had a safe and restful Thanksgiving yesterday. Our clinics were open in the morning but we had the afternoon off. In a similar fashion to 2004, the Army (and KBR, our food service vendor) went all out for Thanksgiving. What a feast! Tons of whatever you wanted, and of course lots of alcohol-free beer, wine and champagne.

We ate once at about 12:30 then again at 18:00... most of us are still cramping and hoping to fit into our uniforms.

Task Force Docs

One of the oddities of Kosovo are these curiously large rabbits that are all around but are particularly abundant "inside the wire" (that is military lingo for inside the fence of your forward operating base. By the time this voyage is over you will be able to impress your friends at garden parties with your insider knowledge of army vernacular).

These vermin are scary... and huge. They are about as tall as a medium-sized dog and have ears like radar dishes. When they sit back on their thumpers they resemble a kangaroo.

According to Bondsteel lore they have never charged or attacked anyone. I don't take any chances though, which is the real reason they issue us weapons here (my theory). Seriously though, if one of these beasts so much as makes one hop my way... I'll report back to the hospital several rounds short of a full clip. No one will question my motives because they are all scared too.

Anyway, at the chow hall yesterday they had a serving station where a local national was carving and serving from the single biggest hunk of roast meat I have ever seen. I swear this thing had to be 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep and had a massive bone that was just starting to show. Just about the size of a roast jackalope. Coincidence... I think not. Not many American soldiers were lined up at that station, but the German troops sure put a hurtin' on it. Good luck... don't blame me for the outbreak of tularemia on base. In any event, these beasts are quite wiley and difficult to get a picture of (sort of like sasquatch). The above pictures were pirated from the internet, but you get the idea! I am committed to getting you one though... so stay tuned. I need to ensure that there is a humvee, Blackhawk or something else in the picture for frame of reference.

Well, that's all folks. Hope that Black Friday shopping did not leave you penniless!

And so it begins.... Part Deux

Welcome to my latest adventure with the US Army... Please keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times for your safety.

As many of you know, I have been in the U.S. Army Reserve medical corps since 2001 and have recently been called up for deployment. In an incredibly ironic twist of fate, I was sent as a radiologist to Camp Bondsteel, Kosovo in support of our NATO peacekeeping and stabilization operation. That fact in and of itself is neither twisted nor ironic. What is however, is the fact that almost exactly three years to the date I am returning to the same base, same hospital and same chair that I occupied from October 2004 through January 2005 during my previous deployment. Oh, and I'm staying in the exact same room on base. Oh and I almost forgot, the time period (Holidays inclusive) is identical. Given all the obligations the U.S. military has throughout the world and the sheer size and complexity of its personnel, I'm quite sure this truly happened by chance and not design.

If you so choose, you can join me on this trip. I will attempt to update you at least weekly with stories and images from the Balkans. For operational security reasons, I will often keep details vague which I hope is not a hiderance to your enjoyment of this tale.

I started my journey at Fort Benning sometime in late October and arrived via commercial air at Pristina Airport in early November.

The weather was quite brisk, and the familiar grey overcast was present. As soon as I stepped off the plane I glanced to the left and spotted one of the ubiquitous KFOR choppers.

We got through customs without delay and all of our bags made it to Kosovo (3 physicians, 4 separate aircraft, 3 separate airlines). What are the chances of that?

We arrived at the base later that day and got settled into our room. Army soldiers typically refer to their room as a "hooch". I'm not entirely sure where that started, but according to:

Glossary of Military Terms & Slang from the Vietnam War

hooch a hut or simple dwelling, either military or civilian. Also spelled hootch.

Which (of course) should never be confused with the subsequent term I found:

hoochgirl Vietnamese woman employed by American military as maid or laundress

I can vouch for the fact that the female local nationals (mostly ethnic Albanians) that work at Camp Bondsteel are NOT referred to as hoochgirls.

Wikipedia offers this take:

Hooch (shelter), a small shelter for people, common in Vietnam

Must have been a Vietnam thing. But you just don't know maannn.... you were not THEEERREE!

I digress, back to the story...

The next morning I arrived at the hospital bright and early. The hospital looked exactly the same as the day I left. I even found items I had left behind still sitting around collecting dust. The departing radiologist gleefully handed over his sidearm and wished me good luck.

After squaring things away in my department, I left the hospital that evening for the chow hall and was privy to one of those occasional beautiful Balkan sunsets over my new home.

I thought to myself "this isn't so bad" and drifted off to sleep later that night ready to tackle the next day with Army vigor. Then I woke up and walked outside...

Sweet Jesus, it was cold! Welcome back to the Balkan winter Major Muller. Good thing the Army outfits us with all the latest in cold weather gear. Truth be told, I would prefer snow and ice to sand, heat and RPGs. What can a soldier do but carry on...

Well, that is where I will leave you for now. Much has happened since then which will be chronicled in upcoming posts. Until we meet again, have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

Muller out.